i’ve been absolutely privileged to have gone overseas to study, know people and expand my horizons. 2 years in Canada, and 3 years in Australia. it’s a long time, even though i’ve been back for a year to work after high school, right before uni.
recently, i’ve had talks with my brother and my mum about where do they want me to be after my graduation. to come back? or stay in Australia? or maybe, head somewhere else to work for a year or 2. my original intentions were to stay in Australia, find a job, and come back in a year or 2. but that thought has always been tentative, dependent on my dad’s health. these days, it became clearer that i want to come back to singapore because i could see my dad’s declining health each and every time i’m back. however, it occurred to me that, “hey.. you’ve been out for so long.. coming back will probably be difficult to adjust since you’re so used to the freedom and independence you get overseas.”. it’s great that my family and friends will be around me, actually, beyond great! it’s absolutely awesome. but, there’s something inside that i cant quite pin-point that somewhat sways towards staying overseas. i dont know what it is and why’s that so. it’s frustrating to know something but, at the same time, dont know about it.
sometimes, i wonder if it’s because i’m afraid to get on to the next phase of life after graduation whereby i need to make decisions for myself that i may or, may not like. other times, i wonder if it’s because i feel i dont belong anywhere. not in Singapore, not in Australia, not in Canada. my friends joke about how i’m not a Singaporean anymore because i dont know where some “common” places are and how i don’t know many of the things that goes on in Singapore. well, these doesnt really define whether someone is really Singaporean or not, but it seems to affect how Singaporean one is somehow.
to be honest, i dont know wat i wanna do and where i wanna end up at. it’s distressing.. sigh… “be true to yourself and go with wat you think is right for yourself.” that’s these are words i say to my friends when they are facing a dilemma.. but i dont wanna end up disappointing people close to me because of my selfish decision.
Comments